Mother’s ruin; a guide to the horrors of the post-pregnancy hangover

June 2, 2015

Buzz lightyear, drinking and regret

Oh, the whole world of pain that is the post-pregnancy hangover…

After years of practice throughout my teens and twenties, I thought I knew hangovers. Ha! I was wrong.

One of the less well-known pregnancy side effects  is that you turn into a massive lightweight, due to sitting out of the drinking game for a good few rounds at least. And one who’s had no sleep in months on top of that. So when the occasional occasion for after-birth drinking happens – wedding, long-organised night out of freeeeeedom –  before you know it the cold light of day is tapping repeatedly on your tired and emotional head, saying “Wake up, mummy!”

All of these will probably happen:

  • Surprise! Despite weeks of post-7am lie-ins there will be a super, special, extra early start. Guaranteed
  • You’ll be unable to lift your head from the pillow without the room spinning. They’ll be raring to go from the minute their eyes open
  • The emergency iPad of early morning distraction will be on 0% battery
  • Despite being unable to take even a sideways glance at a glass of water, you’ll have to make and clear up breakfast
  • Sensing your delicate state and desire to just lie on the sofa in a pool of your own regret,  your children will go easy on you. As if! It’ll be “Let’s do bouncing!” Or, treating you as a human climbing frame.

What’s it like, the first hangover back?

  • Like your head is under the Jumperoo with a particularly energetic occupant bouncing off your forehead
  • Getting trapped in the world’s worst soft play, only worse, with no chance of escape, ever
  • Being in a small shop that sells all the noise-making toys in the world, and they’re all making a noise all at once, on infinite repeat.

So what you can do? Well, the chances of your baby wanting to go for a relaxing, quiet afternoon at the pub while you read the papers in peace are slim to none (especially if you also have a toddler). So if you can, wangle a weekend lie-in. Then it’s just a case of hanging on, until bedtime. And pray it goes quickly.

Things that are worse than a post-baby hangover:

  • Being stuck in a taxi in stop-start London Sunday traffic on the way home from a wedding, on a road with speed bumps every metre, with two very vocal children and your first massive hangover since having the baby (that was my weekend, how was yours?)
  • Not much else

It’s fair to say this newishly post-pregnant mum is never drinking again. Ever. Stop sniggering there at the back. I mean it, this time.

A Baby on Board has been shortlisted in the best pregnancy blog category in the 2015 MAD Blog Awards; thank you so much for the support! You can vote for us here x.

More posts: the first six months of a new baby, notes from a neurotic first-time motherhood  and baby milestone cards…for mums

12 Comments

  • Katy

    June 3, 2015 at 8:41 am

    My hangovers are bad enough as it is let alone a child jumping a over me. Can not even imagine! X

  • Lori

    June 3, 2015 at 10:50 am

    God I remember my first hangover when F was little and I felt like I was going to die! I totally feel for you and totally get the jumperoo reference! x

  • polly

    June 3, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    oh god! I feel ya…. I remember some awful ones when Lola was little.. I doint really drink these days and this is partly why!

  • Amy

    June 3, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    I’m not quite sure how it feels because I vomited all down myself and all over the floor, on a hen do, in a lovely rented house, yup, that happened. The next day all I could think about was how much my boobs ached because they were full of milk I couldn’t express properly, I think I felt like death warmed up but my boobs overpowered it!

  • fritha

    June 3, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    I SO remember this with Wilf. It was awful and to top it off I’d had a whole 3 glasses of wine and that was what reduced me to being sick all the next day. The shame and the pain! x

  • Molly

    June 3, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Post-pregnancy hangovers are THE WORST. Fact. The nausea is almost bearable, as is the headache – I find the worst aspect is what we call in our house “The Fear”. It’s that weird panicky feeling you only ever get when you’re hungover and it SUCKS. Ugh.

  • Jess @ Along Came Cherry

    June 4, 2015 at 7:08 am

    I can remember going out for a couple of drinks for the first time after Cherry was born, I literally only had two glasses of wine and felt so ill the next day I haven’t really drunk again! My hangovers had got so bad before having kids that I would have to spend the whole day in bed, can’t do that now! x

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  • Kathryn (@KatGotTheCream)

    June 6, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Apparently a woman’s ability to process alcohol declines as we get older, it’s a medical fact. Our livers produce less of the enzyme that helps to process alcohol leading to worse hangovers as we get older. Whereas a man’s stays about the same. In my book, that’s the perfect excuse to make the mister take over in situations such as this. Great post! xx

  • Lottie :: Oyster & Pearl

    June 9, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    Oh my god, just the WORST. A friend who doesn’t have kids came over once when she was feeling rotten. She could stay long 😉

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