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  • Mother’s ruin; a guide to the horrors of the post-pregnancy hangover

    Buzz lightyear, drinking and regret

    Oh, the whole world of pain that is the post-pregnancy hangover…

    After years of practice throughout my teens and twenties, I thought I knew hangovers. Ha! I was wrong.

    One of the less well-known pregnancy side effects  is that you turn into a massive lightweight, due to sitting out of the drinking game for a good few rounds at least. And one who’s had no sleep in months on top of that. So when the occasional occasion for after-birth drinking happens – wedding, long-organised night out of freeeeeedom –  before you know it the cold light of day is tapping repeatedly on your tired and emotional head, saying “Wake up, mummy!”

    All of these will probably happen:

    • Surprise! Despite weeks of post-7am lie-ins there will be a super, special, extra early start. Guaranteed
    • You’ll be unable to lift your head from the pillow without the room spinning. They’ll be raring to go from the minute their eyes open
    • The emergency iPad of early morning distraction will be on 0% battery
    • Despite being unable to take even a sideways glance at a glass of water, you’ll have to make and clear up breakfast
    • Sensing your delicate state and desire to just lie on the sofa in a pool of your own regret,  your children will go easy on you. As if! It’ll be “Let’s do bouncing!” Or, treating you as a human climbing frame.

    What’s it like, the first hangover back?

    • Like your head is under the Jumperoo with a particularly energetic occupant bouncing off your forehead
    • Getting trapped in the world’s worst soft play, only worse, with no chance of escape, ever
    • Being in a small shop that sells all the noise-making toys in the world, and they’re all making a noise all at once, on infinite repeat.

    So what you can do? Well, the chances of your baby wanting to go for a relaxing, quiet afternoon at the pub while you read the papers in peace are slim to none (especially if you also have a toddler). So if you can, wangle a weekend lie-in. Then it’s just a case of hanging on, until bedtime. And pray it goes quickly.

    Things that are worse than a post-baby hangover:

    • Being stuck in a taxi in stop-start London Sunday traffic on the way home from a wedding, on a road with speed bumps every metre, with two very vocal children and your first massive hangover since having the baby (that was my weekend, how was yours?)
    • Not much else

    It’s fair to say this newishly post-pregnant mum is never drinking again. Ever. Stop sniggering there at the back. I mean it, this time.

    A Baby on Board has been shortlisted in the best pregnancy blog category in the 2015 MAD Blog Awards; thank you so much for the support! You can vote for us here x.

    More posts: the first six months of a new baby, notes from a neurotic first-time motherhood  and baby milestone cards…for mums

    12 Comments

    1. June 3, 2015 / 8:41 am

      My hangovers are bad enough as it is let alone a child jumping a over me. Can not even imagine! X

    2. June 3, 2015 / 10:50 am

      God I remember my first hangover when F was little and I felt like I was going to die! I totally feel for you and totally get the jumperoo reference! x

    3. June 3, 2015 / 1:04 pm

      oh god! I feel ya…. I remember some awful ones when Lola was little.. I doint really drink these days and this is partly why!

    4. June 3, 2015 / 1:14 pm

      I’m not quite sure how it feels because I vomited all down myself and all over the floor, on a hen do, in a lovely rented house, yup, that happened. The next day all I could think about was how much my boobs ached because they were full of milk I couldn’t express properly, I think I felt like death warmed up but my boobs overpowered it!

    5. June 3, 2015 / 4:08 pm

      I SO remember this with Wilf. It was awful and to top it off I’d had a whole 3 glasses of wine and that was what reduced me to being sick all the next day. The shame and the pain! x

    6. June 3, 2015 / 8:26 pm

      Post-pregnancy hangovers are THE WORST. Fact. The nausea is almost bearable, as is the headache – I find the worst aspect is what we call in our house “The Fear”. It’s that weird panicky feeling you only ever get when you’re hungover and it SUCKS. Ugh.

    7. June 4, 2015 / 7:08 am

      I can remember going out for a couple of drinks for the first time after Cherry was born, I literally only had two glasses of wine and felt so ill the next day I haven’t really drunk again! My hangovers had got so bad before having kids that I would have to spend the whole day in bed, can’t do that now! x

    8. June 6, 2015 / 10:51 am

      Apparently a woman’s ability to process alcohol declines as we get older, it’s a medical fact. Our livers produce less of the enzyme that helps to process alcohol leading to worse hangovers as we get older. Whereas a man’s stays about the same. In my book, that’s the perfect excuse to make the mister take over in situations such as this. Great post! xx

    9. June 9, 2015 / 11:33 pm

      Oh my god, just the WORST. A friend who doesn’t have kids came over once when she was feeling rotten. She could stay long 😉

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