26 things I’m too tired for as a tired, tired mum

A few nights ago I was lying on the sofa, with wine that I was too physically tired to lift my hand to drink. ‘Go to bed!’ My shocked husband said. But I was too tired for that, even.

I know it’s the same old sleepy story, but parents are just generally, well, tired aren’t they? Pregnancy insomnia turns into newborn exhaustion and then that leads into a whole other world of weariness. Even if you have children that sleep  then it’s still a long day with your bed waiting hopefully at the end of it when you’re all played out. Then you have another and do it all over again, but with no stop gap for sneaky naps this time.

As the old adage goes, if you’re tired of London you’re tired of life. But if you’re just plain tired of being tired, you’re probably just a parent.

So stop stifling a yawn there at the back. Here’s all the things I’m too tired for, now I’m a mum of two:

1. Turning off the CBeebies screen after my children have long gone to bed
2. Waiting for the kettle to boil. Need. Caffeine. Now
3. Calling my children by the correct name, Sorry guys, doomed to a lifetime of the wrong one, both of you (tell me this isn’t just me?)
4. Remembering where I put my phone down even though I only just put it down half a second ago
5. Buffering
6. Waiting for the rest of the new Topsy and Tim episodes to be shown on TV
7. Arguments, especially as I’m likely to be the one who’s being very, very unreasonable
8. Delivery men who ring the doorbell loudly and wake up my baby, with a parcel for a neighbour
9. Delivery men who ring the doorbell loudly and wake up me, with a parcel for a neighbour
10. Being anything more than passably nice to delivery men
11. Remembering to pick up my shopping in the shop, again
12. Any more babies
13. Serialised things on TV that aren’t already available in a box set
14. Date night. Unless it’s a hot date with my bed, which usually has two children in it anyway
15. Watching films to the end
16. Watching more than one TV programme per night
17. Anything at all that requires an attention span…what was that now?
18. Cleaning and ironing. Although I’ve never had time for that
19. Going for a run, going to the gym (hey, all that pram pushing is exercise…right? It totally is)
20. Remembering the end of sentences
21. Remembering my name
22. Reading books, remember them?
23. Reading magazines
24. Other people talking about how tired they are
25. Talking about how tired I am. Oh, wait…
26. Going to bed early.

P.S. all the things you’ll obsess about in the first year of parenthood, our favourite wastes of time and everything I’ve forgotten about baby weaning.