Things you’ll know if your child is a really early riser

September 6, 2016

They say the days are long but the years are short when you’re a parent, but when you’re the parent of a really early riser, the days start at the dawn of time and stretch out before you like a marathon.

Things you'll know if your child is an early riser

Is your child a really early riser? First time we were on regular first-name terms with an hour with a five in it’s title – ouch. Second time round has been better, slightly, but combined with this it’s all a bit of a…*stifles yawn*

There’s a particular kind of conversation to be had this early hour:

  • Toddler: HI!
  • Me: Urghhhh
  • Toddler: Hi, wake up!
  • Me: Urghhhh…go back to sleep
  • Toddler: No way! The world is WAY too exciting
  • Me: I love you with absolutely every fibre of my being, you completely amazing thing, but please, go back to sleep…
  • Toddler: Come OOOOOOn. Let’s go and play! Let’s take this duvet off!

And after a spate of recent super-early starts, here’s some early morning observations on everything you’ll might possibly know but be too-tired-to-remember if your child is an early riser:

  1. There’s a time that exists before CBeebies, and BOY it isn’t pretty.
  2. But being awake this early means you can get up and really make the most of the day! Isn’t that brilliant? NO! I just want to go back to bed
  3. The light is either a really on-trend shade of grey or really fresh, golden and pretty at this time though, and it’s life-affirming to see the sun rise. Shame you can’t focus properly and everything is blurry
  4. It’s always far too early to do anything other than have strategic sofa cuddles. Crafts and paint and enthusiasm can wait till later…like 2017 later
  5. If there’s a chance of a lie-in, you’d wildly bargain away ANYTHING ‘I’ll change all nappies for a year…just let me sleep till 8am’…’Take everything I own! I mean it!’
  6. Plans you make in a fit of early morning enthusiasm often have to change when it inevitably starts raining an hour later
  7. Being awake at a time when you used to come in from a night out is kind of strange. And if you had even a small glass of wine last night and are up this early there’s no chance you won’t be mildly hungover
  8. 9am feels like lunchtime. And by that point you are ten pints of tea down, with a half-loaf-of-toast chaser
  9. But STILL not dressed and this still takes forever
  10. Yes we’ve tried that and that AND that, thanks. And NO it doesn’t work. Thanks, though
  11. There’s a special place reserved in the naughty corner for parents who moan about 7.30am being early ‘because they normally sleep in till 9am at least’
  12. You do get used to it, but you never like it. Keep repeating: they will grow out of it though
  13. Did you know Richard Branson and 99% of the world’s richest people get up at 5am on purpose? Waaa! I’ll give them a million pounds to come and babysit
  14. They do grow out of it…they do grow out of it…they do…zzZZzzz
  15. You resolve to go to bed early, tonight, once you’ve snuck in a few hours of doing nothing and checking the internet till midnight. Oh, maybe tomorrow…

More posts…if baby milestone cards were made for mums, everything you’ll obsess about in the first year and 25 things I had *no* idea about pre-babies


  • Helloitsgemma

    September 6, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    School was the game changer for us. Suddenly slept to a ‘normal hour’. Honestly, it doesn’t last forever.

  • Candy Pop

    September 7, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I laughed at 9am feels like lunchtime! I won’t admit to waking up at 9am on Friday… Have a great day! xx

  • Sarah

    September 7, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    We were once in the “when 6:45am is a lie-in worth celebrating” club too. In the summer we’d have been at the park from 7:45am and starting to feel clueless by 9:15am while others were finishing breakfast….. fortunately that was only child#1. We used to wonder why it felt so hard since we’d always be on the 7:14am train pre-children but then you had a shower without an audience and could hit snooze so it was just different! But much as I would trade 7yr old testosterone surges and primary school attitude I do not miss the “fully awake and ready to go at 5am” part of toddler days or the mornings “watching” the fireworks behind the Disney Jr logo before programming started….

  • Slummy single mummy

    September 7, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Ah happy days! I seem to remember there being distinct lines for me between things beginning with 5, 6 or 7. 6 was sort of normal, to be expected, even though you hated it. Anything before 6am just felt WRONG and anything that began with 7 was to be rejoiced and shared with everyone. I really can promise you though that it changes eventually, and you’ll be there on a Sunday at midday, wondering if you should force them to get out of bed, or just leave them. I mainly go with leaving them – I can’t see why you’d complain all that time about the early mornings and then MAKE them get up?!

  • katie albury

    September 7, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    This is my life!! Only my child is not into any tv yet however much we try and just insists on climbing the bed headboard at 4.45am! Ahhhh! Fab post…I’m really, really, really counting on no 14 happening very very very very soon! x

  • Emily

    September 25, 2016 at 8:03 am

    10 and 11 are so spot on! Also, so as not to get your hopes up, school has not been a game changer for us. It’s just made the 5yo horribly tired and grumpy. Yay!

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