Things you’ll know if your child is a really early riser
They say the days are long but the years are short when you’re a parent, but when you’re the parent of a really early riser, the days start at the dawn of time and stretch out before you like a marathon.
Is your child a really early riser? First time we were on regular first-name terms with an hour with a five in it’s title – ouch. Second time round has been better, slightly, but combined with this it’s all a bit of a…*stifles yawn*
There’s a particular kind of conversation to be had this early hour:
- Toddler: HI!
- Me: Urghhhh
- Toddler: Hi, wake up!
- Me: Urghhhh…go back to sleep
- Toddler: No way! The world is WAY too exciting
- Me: I love you with absolutely every fibre of my being, you completely amazing thing, but please, go back to sleep…
- Toddler: Come OOOOOOn. Let’s go and play! Let’s take this duvet off!
And after a spate of recent super-early starts, here’s some early morning observations on everything you’ll might possibly know but be too-tired-to-remember if your child is an early riser:
- There’s a time that exists before CBeebies, and BOY it isn’t pretty.
- But being awake this early means you can get up and really make the most of the day! Isn’t that brilliant? NO! I just want to go back to bed
- The light is either a really on-trend shade of grey or really fresh, golden and pretty at this time though, and it’s life-affirming to see the sun rise. Shame you can’t focus properly and everything is blurry
- It’s always far too early to do anything other than have strategic sofa cuddles. Crafts and paint and enthusiasm can wait till later…like 2017 later
- If there’s a chance of a lie-in, you’d wildly bargain away ANYTHING ‘I’ll change all nappies for a year…just let me sleep till 8am’…’Take everything I own! I mean it!’
- Plans you make in a fit of early morning enthusiasm often have to change when it inevitably starts raining an hour later
- Being awake at a time when you used to come in from a night out is kind of strange. And if you had even a small glass of wine last night and are up this early there’s no chance you won’t be mildly hungover
- 9am feels like lunchtime. And by that point you are ten pints of tea down, with a half-loaf-of-toast chaser
- But STILL not dressed and this still takes forever
- Yes we’ve tried that and that AND that, thanks. And NO it doesn’t work. Thanks, though
- There’s a special place reserved in the naughty corner for parents who moan about 7.30am being early ‘because they normally sleep in till 9am at least’
- You do get used to it, but you never like it. Keep repeating: they will grow out of it though
- Did you know Richard Branson and 99% of the world’s richest people get up at 5am on purpose? Waaa! I’ll give them a million pounds to come and babysit
- They do grow out of it…they do grow out of it…they do…zzZZzzz
- You resolve to go to bed early, tonight, once you’ve snuck in a few hours of doing nothing and checking the internet till midnight. Oh, maybe tomorrow…