‘Isn’t teething absolutely brilliant?’ said no mum, ever.
Humans. We think we’re so clever, don’t we? But if we are, why on earth have we not yet evolved to the extent that babies can teeth without any pain at all? Answer me that one, Darwin.
Maybe we’re just not quite there yet and at some point in the near future teeth will just magically appear via next day delivery with minimalist recyclable packaging and absolutely no fuss (Just. Imagine).
But for now, we have the terror that is teething. It’s fair to say words you’ll never hear me utter are ‘where did that tooth suddenly appear from?’ Both of mine suffer terribly; teething has cast a dark cloud over our house many a time. It’s awful, isn’t it? Poor parents; but at least we can write blog posts about it. Poor, poor, poor babies.
Here’s ten things that are worse than teething, possibly:
1) Being permanently stricken with an ultra-uneasy, stomach plunging, sickening sense of doom exactly like that feeling that you might have left your hair straighteners on that hits you at the exact moment when you’re as far away from your house as possible for at least the rest of the day. Despite the fact you’re pretty sure you turned them off, as you always do, but there’s that .1% of doubt that you can’t shake off and it’s consuming your whole being
2) An eternal earworm that consists of the ‘Time for your check-up’ song from Doc McStuffins, all of the Dora and Friends Into the City Songs and the My Pet and Me theme tune. On infinite repeat. Aaaand again
3) The first post-baby hangover, x 10, with a 4am wake-up call.
4) Any kind of hangover when you have children, combined with a day in soft play
5) Absolutely no mobile signal at all (what do you mean, I can’t sneakily check Facebook in the park?)
6) Battery: 1%. Charger access: none
7) Realising there’s no wine in the house after a day of teething, when the children are in bed and your husband’s out drinking cocktails
8) There must be something else?
9) Erm…can’t think of anything
10) Oh wait! Nope..:That’s because there isn’t anything else.
No guesses as to what’s currently going on in our house. Pass the hugs and Calpol, please. Positives: seeing your three-year-old with a full set of teeth and knowing teething does end soonish. Smile…