Things you’ll know if your child is a really early riser

They say the days are long but the years are short when you’re a parent, but when you’re the parent of a really early riser, the days start at the dawn of time and stretch out before you like a marathon.

Is your child a really early riser? First time we were on regular first-name terms with an hour with a five in it’s title – ouch. Second time round has been better, slightly, but combined with this it’s all a bit of a…*stifles yawn*

There’s a particular kind of conversation to be had this early hour:

• Toddler: HI!
• Me: Urghhhh
• Toddler: Hi, wake up!
• Me: Urghhhh…go back to sleep
• Toddler: No way! The world is WAY too exciting
• Me: I love you with absolutely every fibre of my being, you completely amazing thing, but please, go back to sleep…
• Toddler: Come OOOOOOn. Let’s go and play! Let’s take this duvet off!

And after a spate of recent super-early starts, here’s some early morning observations on everything you’ll might possibly know but be too-tired-to-remember if your child is an early riser:

1. There’s a time that exists before CBeebies, and BOY it isn’t pretty.
2. But being awake this early means you can get up and really make the most of the day! Isn’t that brilliant? NO! I just want to go back to bed
3. The light is either a really on-trend shade of grey or really fresh, golden and pretty at this time though, and it’s life-affirming to see the sun rise. Shame you can’t focus properly and everything is blurry
4. It’s always far too early to do anything other than have strategic sofa cuddles. Crafts and paint and enthusiasm can wait till later…like 2017 later
5. If there’s a chance of a lie-in, you’d wildly bargain away ANYTHING ‘I’ll change all nappies for a year…just let me sleep till 8am’…’Take everything I own! I mean it!’
6. Plans you make in a fit of early morning enthusiasm often have to change when it inevitably starts raining an hour later
7. Being awake at a time when you used to come in from a night out is kind of strange. And if you had even a small glass of wine last night and are up this early there’s no chance you won’t be mildly hungover
8. 9am feels like lunchtime. And by that point you are ten pints of tea down, with a half-loaf-of-toast chaser
9. But STILL not dressed and this still takes forever
10. Yes we’ve tried that and that AND that, thanks. And NO it doesn’t work. Thanks, though
11. There’s a special place reserved in the naughty corner for parents who moan about 7.30am being early ‘because they normally sleep in till 9am at least’
12. You do get used to it, but you never like it. Keep repeating: they will grow out of it though
13. Did you know Richard Branson and 99% of the world’s richest people get up at 5am on purpose? Waaa! I’ll give them a million pounds to come and babysit
14. They do grow out of it…they do grow out of it…they do…zzZZzzz
15. You resolve to go to bed early, tonight, once you’ve snuck in a few hours of doing nothing and checking the internet till midnight. Oh, maybe tomorrow…

More posts…if baby milestone cards were made for mums, everything you’ll obsess about in the first year and 25 things I had *no* idea about pre-babies