FAO: The Park
Subject: On behalf of all parents, I have some suggestions…
Dear the Park,
You may not know us well, but we know you. We’re probably just one of the many, many groups of over-excited stir-crazy children and tired-looking mums and dads to have graced your grassy presence.
But to us, you are a second home.
We have known and loved – to varying degrees – so many of your different local and global branches, from your Express versions (the small patch of grass and possibly a slide) to the full-on, bells and whistles Megastores (all the equipment, water area and cafes of the more fancy affairs).
If the days are long but the years are short, then so much of our time has been spent in the spongy-covered clutches of your welcoming bosom that we might as well move in.
And, dearest Park, as I’ve spent so long within you I know the path to every climbing frame like the back of my hand, I feel that I’m qualified to make some suggestions. For while the park is fantastic for children, it’s not often the most optimum experience for parents. And don’t you want to keep all your customers happy?
So from me to you, here’s a couple of small ideas to improve the park-life-experience and make it a a true favourite for all the family:
A loyalty card service: If parents are time-poor, then they would surely cash out at the park due to time spent there. So why not introduce a loyalty card? If we could redeem the points for naps, that would be fantastic.
Caffeine on tap: To tired mums and dad, caffeine is the nectar of life. It’s a hug in a mug on a cold day. So what better than a constant supply of tea and coffee while we’re waiting for ‘just one more go’ on the slide? Via vending machine or a personal tea butler, I don’t care how you do it – just keep it strong and hot.
Heated benches: We know, we know, we never get to actually sit down – but a mum can dream, can’t she? One day we won’t always be running around retrieving an overexcited toddler from the top of the climbing frame. One day.
Picnic Deliveroo: No-one wants a trip out of the house to be cut short by a wail of ‘Im huuuuuungry.’ So a picnic delivery service right to the park would keep hangry children at bay and keep everyone happyy.
Coat hire: What parent hasn’t been caught out by when the Weather App is wrong again, the arctic chill sets in and your child shows no signs of wanting to leave? To stop everyone’s hands freezing to the climbing frame, a hire service for warm, waterproof coats and gloves would keep all the parents dry and content (no need for one for the children, who would happily be naked in a snowstorm).
Robot hands: We know, part of parenting is putting in the hours at the swing. But sometimes, hands get cold. Sometimes hands get tired. And let’s be honest, everyone wants to sneak a look at Instagram without the risk of being smacked in the face by a flying child. A handy robot to subtly take over pushing duties would be most welcome.
A bar: No, not for gymnastics. This would surely make everyone happy. Pass the prosecco.
So what do you say, Park? Whatever your response, we will continue to be your loyal servants until our children grow up (sob!).
Yours, in anticipation…a tired mum of two.