On Separation Anxiety: Moving The Baby Out Of Our Bedroom
Separation Anxiety – Moving Your Baby Out Of Your Bedroom…
When’s the right time to move the baby out of your bedroom? And when do you move the baby to their own room?
It is normal to have anxiety about your baby sleeping in their own room?
How do you deal with separation anxiety (in both babies…and mums?)
Related: I have major anxiety about my child sleeping in their own room!
Help, I have separation anxiety!
There’s a conversation that keeps happening in my house at the moment, which goes something along the lines of this:
Alex: We should probably think about moving the baby into her own room soon
Me: What was that? Sorry, I didn’t quite hear you…
Alex: We should probably think about moving the baby into her own room soon
Me: WOW, look at that amazing thing happening over there!
Alex: We should probably…
Me: Arrrfgffggggghhhh
(Repeat to fade)
OK, I admit it. I have anxiety about moving the baby into her own room.
Anxiety about being apart – for Babies And Mums
So Eliza is now six-months old, and she’s still sleeping in her cot in our bedroom. And as you can tell from the above, I’m kind of reluctant to discuss moving her out.
The subject is like the elephant in the room; if, indeed the elephant is a not-so-small baby that makes pterodactyl noises.
For practical reasons, I have to admit it would be nice to have our room back for purely adult pursuits – watching TV, what else were you thinking? – and it would be good not to have to tiptoe around, speaking as the person who tripped up getting out of bed recently and woke her up.
Her room is all ready, and I can’t really use the excuse that we won’t have anywhere sensible to dry the washing once she’s in it (downside of living in a small London flat). And I’m sure she’d be absolutely fine.
I’m Just Not Ready!
But on an emotional level, I can’t bear the thought of her not being in the same room as me just yet. Where she is at the foot of our bed, It’s just so easy to listen to her breathing, see if any noise is a pre-sleep grizzle or if she’s flipped over and can’t get back, and bring her into bed with me for feeds.
I know we have the baby alarm and that rationally she’ll only be next door and within hearing distance (upside of living in a small London flat) but I just love having her so close to me at night.
She is also, understandably, very clingy – if that’s even the right word! She’s very attached, as tiny babies are, and is upset to be apart from me – as she’s a breastfed baby who is only ever around me and her dad.
So I think it’s understandable that I have anxiety about our baby sleeping in her own room.
When’s The Right Time To Move The Baby Into Their Own Room?
When should you move baby to their own room?
It’s advised to keep the baby in with you in your room for six months. Which obviously we’ve done.
But what then?
After six months, how long is too long? Should I just bite the bullet, man up and move her out already – as it has to happen at some point?
(Just a note here, from future me as a mum to two older children – we moved her shortly after this post and it was fine, BUT – I wish I’d kept her in our room longer, as we did second time round. Don’t do things just because you think you ‘should’ do them. Do what makes you comfortable).
Tips About Separation Anxiety:
- It’s very real, and very tough! For both you and the baby
- There are lots of ways to make changes easier for the baby, by doing things gradually
- Try putting them in their new cot to play first (with their favourite toys)
- You could then try putting them in the new room for naps, so they are familiar with their surrounding – before making the big ‘switch’
- Keep trying! They may not like it at first…but they will gradually get used to it
- Understand they will need lots of reassurance with big changes, and lots of comfort and support
- But keep trying, so they gradually get used to it
- Don’t underestimate how tricky big changes can be for mums. Take it easy and be kind to yourself
- Remember it’s OK to be sad about moving your baby to their own room – but try to think of all the exciting changes that will happen too.
Once You’ve Read This Post On When To Move Your Baby To Their Own Rom, Read More Posts…
- Our SnuzPod review, and Bugaboo Bee review and Modibodi reusable nappy review
- On co-sleeping, and 25 things I had no idea about pre-babies
- And if baby milestone cards were made for mums and tips to help baby crawling
- Make sure you follow me on Instagram
18 Comments
Melaina25
August 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Only you can know when is the right time 🙂 BB constantly moved (and still does) in his sleep and as he got bigger he was cracking the sides of the cradle and waking himself up. He also is a crazy noisy sleeper. So when he moved into his own room and bigger cot we all slept better 🙂
NBH didn’t want him in his own room though if I remember correctly!
Joanne Blunt
August 12, 2012 at 11:15 am
I’m afraid there’s no hard and fast answer to that one. All three of my children slept in my room (and in my bed) until they were a year old. It worked for us; I was breastfeeding and it allowed me more sleep as I didn’t have to get up to feed the baby (lazy right?). I was told I was ‘making a rod for my own back’ but all three of my boys (now ages 6, 4 and almost 2) all sleep all night in their own beds. I enjoyed mu cuddles, and I know it’s not for everyone, but it was the right decision for me. Just go with what feels right and I don’t think you can go wrong.
Actually Mummy…
August 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I’m of the school that says do whatever works for you as a family. Whatever makes you feel comfortable, because that’s the best kind of Mum you can be. You’ll know when you feel right doing it 🙂
gillian
August 21, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I think that’s really good advice, thank you! We’re going away this weekend so might take the *big step* when we get back…I think…:-)
Gem
August 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm
We moved our little one into her own room at just after 3 months, because she had outgrown the moses basket, and the cot was too heavy to be moved from her room. It was the best thing we did though because she’s always been a noisy sleeper, so we all slept a lot better, and she started sleeping though, which was a bonus!
Heather
August 13, 2012 at 3:48 pm
I remember being anxious about moving both of mine out of our room. My eldest was 5 months when I finally decided I couldn’t take much more of his 5am starts when he woke up and talked to himself – without squawking for food for a full hour and a half later! It was the best thing ever as he still woke up contentedly at 5am but I didn’t so he had a much more cheerful Mummy to contend with as a result! We moved house on my daughter’s 6 month birthday so she moved straight into her own room in the new house and it didn’t feel so strange. It does depend on each individual though so I’d say, go with what works for you as a family. (Besides which, my youngest is now 6 and still climbs into the bed halfway through the night for a cuddle!!!)
Southwarkbelle
August 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm
You just have to do what works for you all, we moved baby to her own room at 6 months and actually it was great, we both slept a lot better. but Im a very light sleeper these days, woke up at every sniffle! ( over from Blow your own bloghorn btw)
gillian
August 21, 2012 at 9:29 pm
That’s really good to hear and something to focus on! Funny how motherhood turns you into such a light sleeper (although I can now go to sleep really easily as I’m so tired!) Thank you for the comment, looking forward to reading your blog too x
shirley Edwards
August 20, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I think the right time is once one member of that household has mentioned it (ie Alex) Implying he wants his wife and marriage back – you are not loosing your baby she will only be next door and the longer you delay it the harder for you it will be in the end
gillian
August 21, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Controversial! I think it should be something we’re both happy with, especially as it’s me that gets up in the night to feed her. Someone suggested to me that we should move her next door as long as Alex goes and gets her every time she wakes up 🙂
Vicki Kirby
September 20, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Hi Gillian! Great blog, have loved reading it! Is Eliza in her own room now? Our eldest two Olivia and William were in our room until they were a year, I loved seeing them when I woke up and found it really easy with feeding (yes, they were still waking for night feeds too!) and I was really quite upset when we moved them into their own rooms, so in my book you are entirely normal! Imogen is now 5 1/2 months old and I’ve no immediate plans to be putting her into a bedroom….but then she is my last and want to enjoy our morning (middle of the night) moments for as long as possible!
On the positive, when they are in their own rooms, it really is delightful when you go into their room in the morning and their little faces light up…..and you do do get your bedroom back! x
gillian
September 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Hello! How are you getting on – I can’t believe Imogen is nearly six months old now (I really remember you posting about her birth, it doesn’t seem like that long ago at all…) We made the big step and put Eliza in her own room a few weeks ago. I was still very reluctant though, but it’s been fine so far. And it is really nice having the extra space in our room once again, I have to say! xx
Eliza, six months |
August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm
[…] moving her out of our room this weekend…well that’s the plan, anyway (I’ve been really reluctant to up to now). Her haywire sleep is better, but lots of people told me she may sleep through without […]
PhotoPuddle
October 14, 2012 at 8:44 am
Really interesting post as my little boy is about a week away from six months and he’s now been in his own room for two nights. I was also putting it off especially as we had our daughter in with us for six months. Turns out being in his own room is great. We’ve all slept much better. He’s even had a lie in each day this weekend. Perhaps it was actually US keeping HIM awake!
gillian
October 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm
I keep meaning to write an update on this – we moved her out a few months ago now, and have to agree that we have all slept much better so I’d totally agree with you! It’s so easier not having to worry about waking her up with every noise we make in the room, and disturbing her when we come to bed or get up. Lucky you with your lie-ins though! I will drop some hints to Eliza that that is what other babies do 😉
On finally moving the baby out of our bedroom |
October 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm
[…] you to everyone for all the lovely advice and comments on my original post about the right time to move Eliza out of our bedroom. We finally moved her into her nursery when she was nearing seven months (she’s now eight and […]
Jodie
April 17, 2015 at 11:01 am
I just found this from your recent post. It got me thinking about when I moved my other two. P1 was moved out at 10 months when we moved out from my parents. P2 was I think a year. P3 is 6 months now and we didn’t have any immediate plans to move her… I’m now wondering if I should after reading this…
(Bed)room for two | A Baby on Board
July 26, 2015 at 11:06 pm
[…] future asshe still wakes up frequently and we end up co-sleeping most nights. We’d already moved her sister out when she was her age, but it seems pointless trying at the moment. The plan though is that […]